Are You In a Bad Mood? Change Your Words to Change Your Perspective

The power of words never ceases to amaze me. And I don’t say that just because I am a writer. Words have a powerful influence on the way people experience the world. If you are in a bad mood, the chances are pretty good that it’s been caused — or complicated — by the words you’re using to describe your experiences.

Take this recent example.

It was Monday evening and we were supposed to leave for the kids’ swimming lessons in short order. They had been looking forward to the start of swimming lessons, and I didn’t anticipate any problem getting them ready to go. I know, I know. I should have seen it coming.

As I got her brother dressed in his swim gear, my two-year-old suddenly freaked out about having her swim lesson after his.

“I don’t want to swim after him!” she wailed, over and over again. She lay down on the floor and kicked and pouted, two fingers tucked firmly into her mouth in the usual self-soothing position.

This went on for at least 10 minutes. Her brother was dressed. The towels were packed. She wouldn’t budge.

I tried to explain. “They only have a class for little girls at 6:05 and a class for bigger boys at 5:30. We’re all going to the pool together. You can watch brother’s class before we go in the pool for yours…” And still she carried on.

Since she wouldn’t listen to reason, we grabbed our stuff and headed for the car. We had planned to drive two cars so my husband could come home and fix dinner after the first lesson. (Thanks, hubby!) And I was happy for the brief reprieve when he called her over to his car. At least I wouldn’t have to listen to her crying until we arrived at the rec center. Her bad mood was wearing me down.

Imagine my surprise when my daughter got out of the car 8 minutes later, flashed me a big smile, and announced she would be swimming “following” her brother. (My husband introduced this linguistic switch in the car, and – hurray! – it worked.) The subtle difference between these terms was enough to change her entire outlook. It doesn’t matter that “after” and “following” mean the same thing. What mattered was that going “after” her brother made my daughter feel like she was less important. The idea of following him didn’t arouse the same feelings.

Next time you’re stuck in a bad mood that just won’t budge, ask yourself what words you are using to describe the situation.

• Are you telling yourself you are bad or stupid?
• Do you think you are trapped?
• Have you convinced yourself you’ve been hurt, wronged or betrayed by someone?
• What story are you telling yourself about your experiences?
• How are your words feeding your bad mood
• How are your words affecting your behavior?

The world looks entirely different when you change the way you describe your situation. Choose to use words that encourage healthy coping strategies – like seeking help or making changes – and you will be one step closer to smiling again.