See Your Self-Portrait

If you painted a self-portrait, how would it look?

Would you have tired eyes? An alluring smile? Too much junk in the trunk?

Would you look fearful or brave? Lonely or eager? Frazzled or calm? Content or frustrated? Sad or satisfied? Happy? Excited? Overjoyed?

Would your arms be open and relaxed, or crossed in front of your chest in a self-protective pose?

Would you be big or small? Strong or weak? Active or still?

Would your feet be on the ground? Would your head be in the clouds?

I’m not asking you to draw a self-portrait. (You’d probably protest that you can’t draw very well anyway.) Projective testing is out of fashion. But the idea behind it — that unconscious thoughts and feelings are revealed in the pictures we paint and the stories we tell about ourselves — isn’t outdated.

Today, I’m asking you to think about the ways you define yourself. Producing a drawing is optional.

The beliefs and feelings you have about who you are and how good (or bad) you are affect your daily life in countless ways.  Advertisers know this is true. They plan pitches to appeal to your self-definition. (Think about what ads attract your attention and why.)

Friends and family members see your self-definition in action, when you overstate successes or brush aside criticism. They see it when you can’t accept a compliment. They see it when you ask “does this make me look fat?” or fret that you’ll never get promoted. They see your self-definition through the way you prioritize your time and decisions you make (or don’t make).

Sigmund Freud had a point: People are sometimes unaware of how their thoughts and feelings influence their experiences. And confronting our unseen self-portraits may be helpful.

My challenge to you is this:

Take 10 minutes to jot down the words you’d use to describe yourself. Be painfully honest and forthright. Don’t list your aspirations. List your current assessments.

Ask yourself “Are these self-definitions lifting me up or holding me back?”

If they’re holding you back, learn how to revise them. Self-portraits can be re-painted.