4 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Dinner Less Awkward

Researcher Joshua Clegg just published a study on situational triggers of awkward feelings. Although he conducted this research in the lab, I suspect he could replicate it at Thanksgiving dinner tables around the country this week. Here’s what he learned.

Participants reported intense feelings of awkwardness when they didn’t know what was expected of them. They felt anxious when social norms were violated — for instance, when one person interrupted the conversation or when personal space was violated by a “close talker.” Negative judgments also increased social tension.

Clegg didn’t test the effects of alcohol on awkwardness — probably because he didn’t want a bunch of drunk undergrads yucking it up in his lab. If he had added alcohol to the mix, I predict he would have found the first drink helps take the edge off. Additional drinks just increase the chance that people say something stupid or overreact to unintentional slights. (Please, don’t test this hypothesis on Thursday in an attempt to prove me wrong!)

If your family’s holiday get-togethers feel like an eggshell-walking contest, you may be tempted to fake the flu and stay home this year. But buck up. Clegg also uncovered some effective awkwardness-reduction strategies. Here’s how to apply them:

1) Find out what’s expected in advance. Ask “Who will be there? What can I bring? What should I wear? When will we eat?” Participants felt less pressure when the rules of engagement were explicitly stated.

2) Come armed with three mutually-interesting conversation starters. Choose topics that interest others instead of rambling about your own quirky hobbies. If you truly can’t think of any conversation topics that won’t incite a riot at the dining room table, memorize some knock-knock jokes. (Note: The “orange you glad I didn’t say banana” bit is safe. Any joke that starts with a priest, a rabbi and a republican in a bar is probably not such a good idea.) Joking about the awkwardness of the situation made participants feel more relaxed.

3) Compliment the cook. Even if she burned the marshmallows on top of the sweet potato casserole. Affirmations lift everyone up.

And, finally:

4) Roll up your sleeves and help with the cooking and/or clean up. You’ll decrease stress by keeping yourself busy and build a sense of camaraderie. Plus, it’s hard to take issue with someone who washes the roasting pan without being asked.

Image credit: FOUR EGGS 2
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