6 Acts of Self-Compassion

If you want to be truly happy, you can’t expect others to meet all your needs. You must treat yourself like you’d treat a treasured friend: with respect, compassion and a sense of humor. Here are six ways to be good to yourself. Do them all. When it comes to compassion, more is more.

1. Write a letter of affirmation. Focus on your values, strengths and successes. Delve into the meaning of your values and actions, including personal and interpersonal effects. Positive self-talk has a powerful impact on our behavior. When we feel good about ourselves, we behave better. People respond to our positivity. That creates a virtuous cycle.
2. Savor something. Choose a book, song, treat or location you love. Resist the pressure you feel to hurry through it or multi-task. Instead, focus on enjoying the pleasure you feel. When you tune in to what is good in your life, it grows.
3. Encourage yourself. Stick inspiring post-it notes where you’ll see them throughout the day, or schedule them into your electronic calendar. Make your email password a mantra you’d want to repeat. Quick pick-me-ups can prevent unexpected stressors from hijacking your positive mood. 
4. Say no. Set and honor personal limits. Decline invitations to events that don’t interest you and say no to requests for help you can’t provide. You wouldn’t expect your good friend to stay up all night long addressing envelopes for the school carnival after she worked all day and took care of two sick kids, and you shouldn’t ask that of yourself, either. You deserve down time.
5. Give yourself a hug. Studies show giving yourself a hug or squeezing your own hand diminishes the body’s physiological reaction to stress. That means you feel calm and centered, rather than frazzled and frustrated.
6. Forgive yourself. From time to time, despite your best intentions and planning, you’ll let yourself down. You’ll miss an appointment, pay a bill late, or deliver a lackluster speech. You’ll miss back-to-school night, burn up dinner or back into the garage door with your almost-new car. When you do, be generous with yourself. Everyone has bad days. As intuition coach Angela Artemis reminded in her recent post titled Giving Up the Illusion of Control When Things Don’t Go Your Way, “Curve balls teach us to adjust our swing.”

For additional insight into the benefits of self-compassion and exercises on how to cultivate it, read Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind by psychologist Kristen Neff, PhD.