Say No. Choose Your Yeses!

This week, for the first time ever, an expert I asked for an interview declined my request. She didn’t just ignore my emails, she said “No.”

I won’t reveal her identity, but I will tell you that she is highly successful. She has a PhD, she’s a full professor at a demanding and well-respected university. She’s also an internationally-known author of self-improvement books that show readers how to take better care of themselves and accept their own imperfections with grace and humor.

And she said “No.”

It’s possible she turned me down because she thought my request was just too far beneath her, given the level of her accomplishments. But I doubt that.

I doubt it because I’ve requested interviews with many scholars of similar stature before, and no one ever said “No.”

Fail to respond? Yes, people do that.

Say “Yes,” and then subsequently fall off the face of the planet? Yes, people do that too.

But no one ever says “No.” Honestly. Never.

She said “No” because she’s currently writing another book, and she doesn’t want to be distracted from her task. There are only so many hours in a day, and she doesn’t have any to spare. So she politely declined.

When I got past the idea that I’d need to identify another source for the article I’m writing, I had time to reflect on the situation. I’m a little bit awestruck, really. This expert doesn’t just talk a good game, she plays one. It is inspiring to witness someone living up to the advice she gives others about taking care of themselves.

“No” is a reflection of priorities. “No” protects our time and allows us to use it on projects and people we value most. “No” prevents us from being blown around woulds and shoulds and coulds. “No” keeps us sane. “No” lets us choose our yeses.

In the end, I found another source to use for my article. But I’m truly grateful she said “No.”  I needed to be reminded of the power of limit setting. It’s an essential self-care skill. If you can’t set (and stick to) the limits you set for yourself, it’s impossible to achieve your ambitions and maintain a sense of calm, centered wellness. And there’s no apology required.

So, to my unnamed naysayer, I responded: “Thank you for your consideration. Perhaps we’ll have an opportunity to work together in the future.”

I hope so.

Now it’s your turn: How will you use your “no” to choose your “yeses”?