Do You Hear Me Now?

If I had a dollar for every time I wondered (or asked) why my kids don’t listen, I could have a $30,000 shoe collection like the woman featured in this TODAY show story on shopping addiction.

Getting kids to tune in can be challenging, especially in our highly distracting digital age. Half the times I ask “Why don’t you listen?!” the obvious (but unstated) answer is “I’m watching TV!”

Here are some ways I’ve learned to make sure the kids hear what I’m saying and understand it the first time.

Turn off distractions. Kids can’t filter out background noise from the TV or a video game as easily as adults. Pay attention to times of the day when you have most trouble getting kids’ attention. If chronic listening problems coincide with electronic activities, shut them off to increase listening.  At my house, the TV goes off an hour before we leave for school in the morning so I don’t have to ask the kids to get dressed, brush teeth and eat breakfast while they’re focused on Tom and Jerry.

Get down on their level. Small kids’ don’t look up automatically, so they may hear what you’re saying but not be watching you speak. That means they may be watching other things (like the dog) and miss out on non-verbal communication cues (like your I-mean-business posture). Drop to one knee or sit down together so you can look eye to eye while you chat.

Say less. Too much explanation is overwhelming. Get the main message across without adding extra detail. If the play date will end in 10 minutes, say “10 minutes until we go home!” instead of, “We’ve had a lot of fun at Carsten’s house today but it is almost time to leave. In 10 minutes we need to clean up the toys, say goodbye and go home so we can eat lunch before Lucy’s nap.” Focus on one message at a time to avoid communication overload.

These ideas have helped increase listening at my house. I hope they help you, too.

Why not share your biggest parenting communication challenges in the comments for this post? I’m listening.

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