What does mothering mean? And how do you mother yourself?

My writing coach and friend, Christina Katz, is currently hosting what must be the mother of all giveaways! Each year in May she celebrates moms and women authors with a giant book (and e-book) giveaway. You can see the list of authors and prizes here.

To enter the drawing, readers must respond to the question she poses each day. Today’s question is a provocative one:

We think that “mothering” is a simple word. I think we all assume that we understand the shared meaning of the word. But mothering is a diverse concept, and all people define it uniquely, often colored by the way they were themselves mothered or not mothered. What does mothering mean to you? How do you mother others? How do you mother yourself?

Here’s how I responded.

To me — at its best — mothering means providing the right context for another person to grow, bloom and flourish. That means it takes an infinite number of forms as mothering is always an adaptation to our children’s needs and to the situation they’re in. In times of trouble, mothering might involve providing comfort and refuge that allows our children to reclaim calm and find inner strength. Or it might involve active encouragement through positive words or even prodding that pushes a child to grow past her comfort zone. In all situations mothering means we have open arms and hearts. And that we long for our children to return to them and fill us with joy no matter how far they may have journeyed away from us.

Looking back at my answer, I realize I didn’t respond to the final question: How do you mother yourself? The answer just didn’t flow out so immediately.

But I think we’d all do well to mother ourselves with the same generosity of spirit we extend to our children. For me, that means creating opportunities to grow, using positive self-talk to boost my spirits when times are tough, and treating myself with compassion no matter how badly I’ve messed up. And it is much easier said than done.

So, today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I am giving myself room to stretch and grow. I am tuning in to what’s good instead of indulging my inner critic. And I’m going to fully embrace each and every bit of the beauty in my messy, kid-filled world.

I hope you’ll do the same.

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Don’t forget to enter the Stress-Less Mother’s Day giveaway while you still can (today is the final day). Use the giveaway tab on the Detachment Parenting facebook fanpage. A comment here gives you an additional entry in the drawing! And hop on over to Christina’s site to enter the Writer Mama Every Day in May Giveaway as well.